Poor Connor

This article is from www.theonion.com

This is WHY we homeschool. To keep our children out of the dreaded institution a little longer.

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CARPENTERSVILLE, IL—Local first-grader Connor Bolduc, 6, experienced the first inkling of a coming lifetime of existential dread Monday upon recognizing his cruel destiny to participate in compulsory education for the better part of the next two decades, sources reported.

"I don't want to go to school," Bolduc told his parents, the crushing reality of his situation having yet to fully dawn on his naïve consciousness. "I want to play outside with my friends."

While Bolduc stood waiting for the bus to pick him up on his first day of elementary school, his parents reportedly were able to "see the wheels turning in his little brain" as the child, for the first time in his life, began to understand how dire and hopeless his situation had actually become.

Basic math—which the child has blissfully yet to learn—clearly demonstrates that the number of years before he will be released from the horrifying prison of formal schooling, is more than twice the length of time he has yet existed. According to a conservative estimate of six hours of school five days a week for nine months of the year, Bolduc faces an estimated 14,400 hours trapped in an endless succession of nearly identical, suffocating classrooms.

This nightmarish but undeniably real scenario does not take into account additional time spent on homework, extracurricular responsibilities, or college, sources said.

"I can't wait until school is over," said the 3-foot-tall tragic figure, who would not have been able, if asked, to contemplate the amount of time between now and summer, let alone the years and years of tedium to follow.

The concept of wasting a majority of daylight hours sitting still in a classroom when he could be riding his bicycle, playing in his tree fort, or lying in the grass looking at bugs—especially considering that he had already wasted two years of his life attending preschool and kindergarten—seemed impossibly unfair to Bolduc. Moreover, sources said, he had no idea how much worse the inescapable truth will turn out to be.

Shortly after his mommy, homemaker Ellen Bolduc, 31, assured him that he would be able to resume playtime "when school lets out," Connor's innocent brain only then began to work out the implication of that sentence to its inevitable, soul-crushing conclusion.

When pressed for more detail on the exact timing of that event, Mrs. Bolduc would only reply "soon." At that point, the normally energetic child grew quiet before asking a follow-up question, "After [younger sister] Maddy's birthday?" thereby setting the stage for the first of thousands of rushing realizations he will be forced to come to grips with over the course of his subsequent existence.

Madison Ellen Bolduc was born on Sept. 28.

After learning that the first grade will continue for eight excruciating months beyond that date, it was only a matter of time before Bolduc inquired into what grade comes after first grade, and, when told, would probe further into how many grades he will have to complete before allowed to play with his friends.

The answer to that fatal question—12, a number too large for Bolduc to count on the fingers of both hands—will be enough to nearly shatter the boy's still-forming psyche, said child psychology expert Eli Wasserbaum.

"When you consider that it doesn't include another four years of secondary education, plus five more years of medical school, if he wants to follow his previously stated goal to grow up to be a doctor like his daddy, this will come as an interminably deep chasm of drudgery and imprisonment to [Connor]," said Wasserbaum. "It's difficult to know the effect on his psychological well-being when he grasps the full truth: that his education will be followed by approximately four decades of work, bills, and taxes, during which he will also rear his own children to face the same fate, all of which will, of course, be followed by a brief, almost inconsequential retirement, and his inevitable death."

"Even a 50-year-old adult would have trouble processing such a monstrous notion," Wasserbaum added. "Oh my God, I'm 50 years old."

The first of Bolduc's remaining 2,299 days of school will resume at 8 a.m. tomorrow. On the next 624 Sundays, he will also be forced to attend church.

We weeble and wobble, but we don't fall down!

Life has it's way of making you weeble and wobble. Like today, day 2 in homeschool experiment 6560 (I am making up the number, FYI for the gullible types).

The morning started rough. Not too rough, but a little shaky. I tried to spice up the skip counting and it turned into a disaster. Jonah and Zane began to write on their chalk boards, ok DOODLE, as I spoke. I said stop and Jonah kept on. I finally took it off his desk as he tried desperately put the finishing touches on his artwork. I took a deep breath. Zane threw the wiping off rag and it hit the candle flame and it luckily went out. I lit the candle again and told him not to do that. This was the morning. James took ALL day to complete work that would take 2 hours MAX.
I finally told him we needed to leave at 3pm to go buy chicken feed for our chickens. He spent an hour at least talking to Nimai, polishing his dads bee yard boots (you know the girls really like shiny black boots when they are being smoked and their honey robbed). He took nine days to eat his 1/2 cup of beans with his chips and sour cream. He took another 6 days to destroy the computer room to look for a CD I told him was in the cabinet 4 times. Oh yes, it was fun! Jonah did not want to write anything, wanted to cry. I was not falling for that trick.

Ahhhhhhhh..................deep breath, deep breath.

See I still have all my hair and most of my mind! All is well :)

Getting started

We received our package of curriculum this Friday. I have been looking through it and examining it very carefully. I am in need of more time to examine it. Being that I have never Waldorf homeschooled and it is intensely different than traditional schooling.

We have been busy this week. Sam and I took Jonah and Zane to the lake on Memorial day to look at all the trash left behind from the weekend fishermen. It was not well taken, bugs, trash, and all. We left. We live close by, so it was a quick trip there and back. Tuesday we hung around the house, did much of nothing, made brownies for the following day, took care of the chickens. Wednesday we set out for the Waldorf enrichment class. The kids had a blast. It was more of a get to know each other day, but James had 3 of his old classmates there, so he already knew quite a few. Jonah told the teacher that he was colorblind and so was Zane and she had a concerned conversation with me. I think I will need to keep talking to her. She seems so bent on making sure they only paint with the colors they can "see". UGH! I told they can "see" just fine, they just take it in and process it differently. Some shades of red, blue, green, and such look differently. Like pink looks either white or blue, depending what shade it is. Light pink is white and hot pink is blue. Anyhow, that was that discovery, someone thinking they need to "fix" my colorblind children. The nerve! Ignorance, I have found, can be found in the most unlikely places.

Thursday we hung out at home until time to go to the Cub Scout meeting at the public school. We signed up the younger two and James is in Boy Scouts. Taken care of! Now they are all going to be busy!

Friday we arrived late to Lego group. James and his hair was holding up the show again. I have decided to withhold $1 allowance to the person(s) responsible for us being late to something because they did not manage their time correctly. He was told to wake up in plenty of time and he did not get up, so he was late doing everything.

Saturday we went to a tiny, almost not worth mentioning it, Cajun festival. James ate a huge bowl of crawfish. I cannot eat those things. I have not been able to eat them since I lived in Jacksonville, Fl and went to their HUGE crawfish festival. EW! But he LOVED it! He LOVES Cajun food. I never liked Cajun food at 12, loved the music though. We did some shopping and then left. We stopped by the local church to look at their mini-car show. It was maybe 5 cars. There were some beauties though. The boys yelled for me to stop when they saw the Hudson.
They jumped out, looked around then jumped back in the car, all within 5 minutes. We came home and hung out for a bit before heading to the Hare Krishna program.

We finally got home at 11pm! I was so tired. The kids just flopped right into bed. No one argued.

This morning I woke up with a rip roaring sore throat and achy body. My dad would say it was from being in the rain. I would say it was because I was living with a 6 year old all week with a sore throat! We set the chickens out of the brooder for some sunshine and natural foods to eat.

That was our mundane week. It will get spicier. We will begin school very soon. I have supplies to buy now that I have the list.

Time to read more about what to do.

TTFN